Do You Have Pony Envy?
Confessions of a Timid Rider: I Am Jealous of My Friends with Horses
Friends, I’ll be honest with you. I believe I’m a nice person. I try my best to help others and be a good friend. So the fact that I have become green-eye with jealousy is something of which I’m not proud.
Every single time one of my barn family gets a new pony or horse, I am so happy for them. Truly. At the same time a part of me dies a little inside of envy. Because I want what they have.
I am embarrassed to admit it. Today a friend, a fellow horse lover, reached out to me for advice on buying her first horse. I have never bought a horse but she wanted my opinion on a particular animal because I know her skill and comfort level.
My first reaction was excitement for her. She deserves a horse, she’d treat him well, and this horse would have an amazing life. But my second reaction was envy. Because this also serves as a reminder that I have not yet fulfilled my own dreams of horse ownership.
Logically I know that for her full board, lessons, and shoes cost exactly HALF of what I would pay in my area. But it’s a dream we shared together. She’s closer to seeing this dream come true, and I’m still working toward it. Thus, the pit in my stomach.
Why is it so important that I own a horse? To me, it has been a lifelong dream. Animals have been a constant in my life for so long, and a huge source of comfort and happiness. I do not go to church. I am not in therapy. Spending time with horses at the barn is what gives me solace.
I am blessed that I am able to spend time with animals. But I would like the freedom to work with a horse for years, building a bond, and a level of trust. To have the freedom to do groundwork, or go on a trail, or simply spend some time playing in the paddock.
I confessed and told her that I was losing hope that I would ever have my own horse.
Have you ever wanted something so badly?
10 Comments
Mathilde Kvernland
Just hang in there! I was full of envy up until the day I bought my boy, soon 2 years ago. I had many friends who weren’t that into horses who actually bought, and it ended up being me riding them because they were bored. And I was constantly wondering why life would give all it’s lemons to me and not to the ones who I believed didn’t deserve it. Owning a horse is the best feeling in the world, it gives me so much security around having my best friend forever. I hope your dreams become reality too.
Heather Wallace
Your comments are so inspiring! I love seeing you and Baldur together, and am so glad you found your heart horse.
Lindsey Rains
I’m actually in the same boat. I had a horse briefly and had to give him back because of college loans. Hang in there, we will get our chance sooner than we think.
Heather Wallace
That’s tough, but adulthood rears its ugly head. Responsibilities, ugh.
Roosa
I totally understand you, I don’t know how I could cope if others managed to buy a horse if I didn’t have one! Hopefully you’ll soon be one step closer!
Heather Wallace
Thank you! I’m always moving forward toward my goal, but sometimes it’s hard not to feel discouraged.
the_sand_arena_ballerina
Being a responsible adult really sucks at times. You will get your horse though Heather!
Heather Wallace
Thanks Andrea! I try daily not to be a responsible adult but life keeps smacking me in the head. 😉
Selkie
Ugh I can definitely say I’m in the same boat. My friend just got a horse and it’s been both of our lifelong dreams. I’m SO happy for her because I know he’ll be loved so much, but I still can’t help but feel that pit in my stomach because that’s something that I’ve wanted for so long. And then there’s the fact that she doesn’t have a lot at all, like almost nothing. She didn’t start out with the blessings I had and that makes me feel so much worse because I know she’s gotten what she finally wanted yet I’m still jealous! I don’t consider myself a bad person. I always help people out and advise people when they ask me for another opinion. I’m kind to people because I love them. Feeling pony envy towards my best friend makes me feel like complete trash.
Heather Wallace
You are definitely not trash! I think it’s a completely normal reaction and feeling. It’s not like you wish she DIDN”T have the horse after all. When the time is right it will be your turn too. 🙂